So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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