Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
