dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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