don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
