If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
