first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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