i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
