I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
