Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
