I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
