One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
