I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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