His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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