Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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