i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
