Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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