I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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