I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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