I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
