I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Come on in and take your pants off
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