Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
