remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
