Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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