I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
