Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize