Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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