My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
