I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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