blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
