I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
