I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
