and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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