i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
