The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
