HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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