Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
