In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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