And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
