I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
