Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
