highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize