Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
