aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
