She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have post one night stand depression
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
