smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
no you cant smoke seaweed
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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