im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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