I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
