You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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