Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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