Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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