i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
