Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
