The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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