I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize