hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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