I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She made me pour olive oil on her.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
