Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
