What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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