i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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