I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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