My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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