Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
