Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
