Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
