I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
