I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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