hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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