my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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